Tuesday, January 24, 2006


Okay, okay, I’ve been a little judgmental here lately so it’s time to give my standard disclaimer: Everything in Portland would be 10,000 times worse if I ran it. If I were mayor, a lot of routine stuff would get screwed up. The paperwork of government would be a mess. The correct forms would not be turned in a timely manner, and the information would be sloppy and incorrect. Indeed, the next mayor would have to devote most of the council’s time and the city’s budget trying to figure out what the hell happened when I was in charge. My years at the helm would be marked by disastrous downturns in nearly every facet of city life. There would be no statues of me in the Park Blocks. My term in office would be remembered as a complete and utter failure.
And yet, in my heart, I am sure about two things: First, City Council meetings – or at least the ones I didn’t cancel – would have had more laughs, and, secondly, there would be no way we would be currently building the aerial tram. I am not a symposium on mental health, I am not a MENSA meeting waiting to happen, but there is no chance that I’d be dumb enough to go for this. And I wouldn’t have spent more than a minute and a half figuring it out. In fact, I would be a model of efficient government on this one. I would have made the right decision and made it very quickly. I state this even after conceding that I would have been a horrible city commissioner or mayor.
So to all those who voted for this project, I really have just one question: What did you plan to do after your career in politics was over?


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