Friday, April 07, 2006

The Chronicles of Portlandia: A Deal Has Been Reached

All across the Kingdom of the Rose, a cold win blew this morning.
The knights of the Jedi Council have come to a deal with the Lords of Darkness. The Wizard Potter seemed most pleased. Much new gold has been gouged from the people of the city – peasants and lords alike. But how did this happen? How did the Beast of Many Wires go on, when three brave knights had stepped forward to say, “Enough. Such duplicity and deception shall not be rewarded! We must protect our fair city from the callous whims of cynical men! We must stand up for all that is righteous and good!”
Around the campfires the people had rejoiced, for what a Magnificent Three Men these were! The Beast of Many Wires that had been stalking the town, like a fire-breathing dragon from the pages of Spencer, would surely die. How could it not against such brave lads? There was Randy the Outspoken, Erik the Pensive, and Dan the Wise. What a noble team to defend the gates of the city from the Lords on the Hill. Throughout the kingdom there was joy, and babies slept the gentle sleep of the well-protected.
And then it happened. A crack appeared in the city defenses. All around town the ill wind blew: The Kingdom of the Rose has been sold out again! The treasure has been plundered anew, and the Beast of Many Wires has been approved! How, the people wondered, how could it be? Then the people realized that one of their fair and noble knights had sold them out. A new name sprang forth from the land and the people muttered it with great anger. For there was a new member of the Jedi Council – oh, he looked like the same person, but a wicked spirit had taken his soul and robbed him of his courage. And the people called him, “Dan the Ball-less.”


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