Saturday, December 23, 2006

Metaphor Goes on Washington Rampage

If you think Washington, D.C. is a real zoo, then what would that make the National Zoo in Washington? You'd have to assume at the very least it'd be a little wacky. A little wacky? Try the intergalactic vortex through which all cosmic wackiness enters our realm. You'd have to figure with a zoo like Congress nearby it'd be all the National Zoo could do just to compete. What would that take? Chimpanzees running wild through the crowds? Herds of zebras escaping down Pennsylvania Avenue? An occasional elephant going berserk and trampling a concession stand? How about pandas refusing to look cute?

The answer to all of the above is "No." In fact the whole premise of "Washington is a real zoo so what would its zoo look like?" was beginning to look a little forced. You know: Tired. You're basically taking an expression that implies wackiness and out of control behavior like what the politicians have done with our National Debt. Then you're comparing it to a zoo in reality, speculating that since it was in Washington, more out of control behavior would necessarily follow.

Sure, very funny, comedy boy. A regular laugh riot. You begin wondering if maybe it's over for you. Maybe your time on the national stage is done. Suddenly, it's dark and you're running through the rain weeping: Just give me a sign! Anything! One small sign to give me the strength to go on!

And that's when the leopard escapes at the National Zoo.

Okay, it didn't get far, before lying down to rest, but still. The idea of an uncaged leopard roaming our Nation's Capitol is all the validation I'll ever need. Washington....what a zoo. Here's a little of the Post article about it:

"What's New at the National Zoo?
Asia Trail Exhibit Closed After Clouded Leopard Stretches Its Legs a Little Too Far
A toothy 24-pound cat known as a clouded leopard seized an opportunity yesterday and escaped from its enclosure at the National Zoo. The zoo went on emergency alert, but as it turned out, no harm was done. The leopard, named Mook, was found lying inside the zoo grounds not far from its enclosure and was safely returned to custody. However, the clouded leopard exhibit, which is along the Asia Trail, has been temporarily closed while officials review security. Mook fled her enclosure after she or her mate clawed or chewed a hole in the fence, zoo spokesman John Gibbons said. He said the hole was about the diameter of a soccer ball. "We're looking at heavier-gauge wire for the mesh so they wouldn't be able to create a hole again," Gibbons said. "It seems that the mesh was too thin.""

It's like I can breathe again. Oh, and "toothy" might be a little bit of Washington spin. Scientists believe this particular beast descended from the saber-toothed tiger. How about a little more?

"A "Code Green" alarm was sounded, the gates to the zoo -- which open at 6 a.m. -- were shut, and joggers and other early-morning visitors were rounded up and escorted off zoo property, [the official] said. The zoo remained closed for a half-hour. Animal keepers and veterinarians, armed with nets and tranquilizer guns, surrounded Mook and anesthetized her with a dart gun, Gibbons said. She was taken into a building that is part of the enclosure she shares with Tai, the zoo's 15-pound male spotted leopard, but is not open to the public. Both cats are 5 years old. "We do drills throughout the year for this very type of situation," Gibbons said."

Oh, I bet you do. I bet you do.


At 11:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You want to see stars in that "intergalactic vortex through which all cosmic wackiness enters our reality" -- go here, quick, today only, Dec. 23.

Scroll down reading just the headlines. Today's headlines. It gets worse each coming day.

Just that Dec.23's harvest looks like some monster coincidence of all the stray planets aligned for a moment.

At 12:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


Scroll down this list of headlines, coming OUT of the blackhole vortex. Includes this one (today):
Tiger Mauls Trainer at SF Zoo 4:10 AM ET
SAN FRANCISCO (AP) -- A 350-pound Siberian tiger that mauled an experienced San Francisco Zoo keeper ...

Non-information signifying nothing.

I try to scroll down reading only the headlines all the way to the bottom, before I rate and pick and click my first story to read in full. Usually I don't make it.

It's a fun link to keep in your frequent-visit buffer:


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