Some Notes Before the Votes

Pastor Ted Haggard has confessed to having a repulsive side to his personality, so I want to say right now that it’s okay to be a conservative Republican. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, and you might have been born that way - with an uncontrollable desire to follow authoritarian rulers. We forgive you for being a conservative Republican, and while we hate the sin - we love the sinner. Beside, it’s not your fault that your hideous heroes have led you astray. Well, maybe just a little, but the first thing to realize is that you can still get help. You can change for the better.

I also read Richard Perle is furious that his comments dissing Iraq were leaked before the election by Vanity Fair. Yes, the man who helped get America into this mess was duped by some magazine editors. Top flight work, Richard.

I also suspect the Dick Cheney/hunting story was leaked. The only reason he’d wait till Election Day was so the voters wouldn’t be reminded of how reckless and incompetent he really is. Meanwhile, the urge to kill little birds must have been building up inside him, much like the urge Pastor Haggard felt for the gay prostitute and the meth. Why wouldn't Cheney wait an extra week? Because the urges were too great. The pastor couldn’t keep his lips off the gay prostitute, and Dick Cheney couldn’t wait another day before he picked up his shotgun again to blast some little birdies to Kingdom Come. It really is a marvelous bunch, isn’t it?

It’s to the point now where if someone says they are a politician who is devoutly religious, I just sort of assume there’s some twisted repression going on. Has there ever been a man who needed to get his freak on more than John Ashcroft? That no-dancing, sad-eyed little clown recently said we should just trust President Bush with these unchecked powers we’ve granted him. Why? Wasn’t America better off when we were a nation of laws - not waiting on the whims of some kinky Messiah figure?

I say it’s time to get rid of these page-humping, meth-snorting, gay-prostitute-hiring, Constitution-shredding creeps and get America back on track. Of course, it’s not going to be easy. As I look ahead to tomorrow, my #1 question of life comes to mind once more: How weird is this going to get?

Vote. It could be your last chance.