Tire Chains of Love

The very first time I ever did anything outside of work with my future wife, it was to help her put chains on her tires during a snowstorm. I won't mention how many decades that was ago, but the car was a Chevy Nova and it wasn't that old. This morning I was in Fred's and I thought maybe this would be a great day to buy her chains for the snowstorm we are having now. For one thing, today is also her birthday, and the more presents the better, right?

She drives a Subaru Legacy now, which is the most common car in this part of Portland. Although I didn't know the tire size, I figured I could just go out in the parking lot and there would be a Subaru there guaranteed. I think I saw three of them. However, when I approached the sample car, I got a paranoid vibe - who wants to return to their vehicle to find some guy rubbing the snow off their tires and writing information down?

So I said screw it. I ended up walking home, and after hassling with her own tires in the snow for a while, I ended up rechecking the tire size on the Internet. While there I decided to knock out the jokes for Leno. Why not? The tire chains at Fred's were going pretty fast, but business is business.

Incidentally, I have started the New Year somewhat hot and had two jokes on last night about the Golden Globes. It's a skill to write marketable comments about something that has not happened yet, but that's part of it.

So I wrote today's jokes and this set me back time-wise. My wife also made a comment that the weather people said last night that the snow wouldn't last, so chains might not matter. Since they had been wrong about everything else, I tended to disregard this, but it still took its toll. My fallback position was that there would be a day sometime when we needed the chains, so why not get them now?

Still, the lack of urgency took some of the joy out of the process and that also set me back. However, I eventually walked to Fred's again. There I found some depleted shelves and one guy looking at the chains that were left, and wondering about his tire size. There was exactly one box left that fit mine, so the good luck that has followed me all my life continued.

The gorgeous part was when I got home, and heard ODOT say that chains were now required on main roads in Portland. My wife was forced to admit I had made a great call, and we were about to reenact our first tire-chain incident on her birthday. Awww!

The first tire went well, but the second one was an absolute bear. I would like to say we had a sentimental moment out there but speaking for myself, it was a major drag. Let's just say if curse words were a love poem, I sounded like a true romantic.

That's all over now. We are chained up and ready to hit the streets. My wife's birthday will proceed as planned, and life is good. Chains might not be an appropriate birthday gift for most couples, but after you've been married a while, it makes perfect sense. Wait, that didn't sound right. How about tire chains to go with the chains of love? There, that's better.