The Chronicles of Portlandia: No Gold for the Kids

The Wizard Potter was worried for a cold wind blew across the land. The Kingdom of the Rose was imperiled for there was no gold to teach the children. Fortunately when the Wizard returned from far-off battles in Taiwan, he was granted a vision: A large table, he saw, with many around it. A square table it was, for he was also a square, and a blue skirt hung from the front. Many a knight and lady of Portlandia were drawn to its side. “Where will the gold come from?” “If we’re going to spend on anything, why not the kids?” Many of the Jedi Council did attend and awkward they felt.
For even as the citizens cried out for gold for their children, the Beast on the Hill was also demanding more. The Beast of many wires – the Aerial Tram. Rumors swept the kingdom of meetings and secret deals in the night. For alas, whereas the problems of the children were real, few could truly justify the Beast on the Hill. The Wicked Lords of the Forbidden Castle cared not for the children. Indeed they had lobbied to be barely liable should one of their operations go wrong. Now a truly ugly rumor begins to spread. It appears that the Knights of the Jedi Council have solved the problems of the Beast on the Hill. They have found the gold for the rich and powerful while leaving the future of the children in doubt. To be fair, it is not a total disaster. At least the children are receiving an education in how our system of government really works.