Text From Jon Stewart Last Night

I mangled and edited the earlier text from the Jon Stewart show last night. Here it is:

Rob Corddry: "Jon, tonight the vice president is standing by his
decision to shoot Harry Wittington. According to the best intelligence
available, there were quail hidden in the brush. Everyone believed at
the time there were quail in the brush. And while the quail turned out
to be a 78-year-old man, even knowing that today, Mr. Cheney insists
he still would have shot Mr. Whittington in the face. He believes the
world is a better place for his spreading buckshot throughout the
entire region of Mr. Whittington's face."

Jon Stewart: "But why, Rob? If he had known Mr. Whittington
was not a bird, why would he still have shot him?"

Rob Corddry: "Jon, in a post-9-11 world, the American people expect
their leaders to be decisive. To not have shot his friend in the face
would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak.". . .