Rush Limbaugh Becomes Democrat!

Clearly being a Conservative Republican is a lot wilder than anyone thought. First we had Bill Bennett - author of "The Book of Virtues" - admitting he blew millions gambling in casinos. Then there was Bill O'Reilly claiming he was the victim of an extortion attempt by a female coworker, and by God he was going to fight it. Of course, after court documents revealed what had to be transcripts of his sleazy phone calls, he ran to settle. Bill O'Reilly even had his own sex toy that he was apparently using on himself during these phone sex sessions. Kinky but still Republican. Then Rush Limbaugh turned out to be a pill-popping junkie. Sure, he had gone out of his way to slam druggies on his show. And yes, it seemed a little odd that he would support President Bush's incredibly invasive assault on our privacy and then turn around and plead that his own privacy had been harmed. But people on drugs can be inconsistent. Still, all in all, it was a damn good thing these Republicans had such strong moral values or God knows what could have happened.
And that's when Rush Limbaugh packed up a crate of Viagra and headed to the Dominican Republic. Details have since emerged and I owe Conservatives a huge apology. All this time I've been accusing Rush of representing the worst of the Republican Party with his factually dubious, mean-spirited dribble, and it turns out he was a Democrat all along. How else do you explain jumping in a jet with Hollywood show business types for an all-guys sex jaunt to go get laid in the Dominican Republic? It's official! Rush Limbaugh is now a Democrat. I knew he'd change once he got off the drugs.

Rush Limbaugh's Dominican Stag Party - July 6, 2006