Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Aerial Tram Solution Found

The Portland Freelancer has gone where no other media outlet in Portland has come close: A solution to the tram boondoggle that would cover us in glory and financial reward, and honor our heritage all at the same time:
The two bus-like, tram gondolas should look like covered wagons with statues of Lewis and Clark sitting up front. An alert reader named Andrew Klossner has since noted that covered wagons weren't used by the expedition, so we make that a nod to the settlers that followed. Not only do we enhance the amusement park aspects of the tram, but we make the Lewis and Clark Bicentennial Celebration a lasting part of our great city. I don’t think we’ve honored these gentlemen nearly enough. Did you know that 200 years ago this month the expedition was in Fort Clatsop? We have got to capitalize on that. Thanks to the tram, there’s still time. With the proper level of creativity, we can turn this project from a civic crisis into a shining Rose City victory! Darn, if we could only get more money in the budget for some plastic horses.


At 12:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Lewis and Clark expedition didn't use covered wagons. Could you dress those tram cars up as giant canoes?

At 12:50 PM, Blogger Garage Wine said...

Each tram car is supposed to carry 79 passengers. At 30 students per class that's four classrooms for Portland Public Schools!

At 1:14 PM, Blogger Bill McDonald said...

Fine, if Lewis and Clark didn't use covered wagons, then we really have no alternative but to cancel the aerial tram project.
P.S. The giant canoes would be way too risky as the paddles would creat air turbulence.


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