Just Another Day In Joke-Writing Land

Whenever a politician retires - no matter how down in the polls or close to indictment they are – they always say, “I just want to spend more time with my family.” No one cares that they only felt like this after they were being tossed out anyway - most voters are just happy to see them go. Besides, in politics, not telling the truth is expected, especially in the name of family values. For politicians, lying isn’t just the right thing to do – it is the honorable thing to do.
This “more time with the family” reason is so common that it has become a comedy riff on the late night talk shows. For example when Steve Forbes, the intensely unappealing rich kid, withdrew from his presidential campaign, I sold Leno a joke saying Steve, “just wants to spend more time with his servants.”
Steve Forbes was a classic case of the presidential loop. See, he had butlers and maids doting on him from day 1, and he came away from the experience with an unrealistic appreciation of his own charisma. The fact that Steve thought he could be elected president proved he didn’t have the judgment to be president. That’s the presidential loop.
One of the great many things I’ve learned from President Bush – just play along – is that for the first time in over 50 years we’re going into a presidential cycle with no incumbent president or vice president running. He mentions that to the author of a new book about campaign strategy.
This is classic because news outlets such as the Washington Times are reporting speculation that Dick Cheney will resign after the 2006 elections. If so I’m sure Karl Rove will pick McCain to replace him, so McCain will be able to run as the sitting vice president, making President Bush wrong again. What’s new there? If President Bush said the sky was blue it would immediately turn red. He has such a need to be wrong that it projects over vast quantities of time and space.
Of course, I could be wrong myself, but one of the jobs I have as comedy writer is to analyze the news for what it doesn’t say and where it might be going. Then I can have a joke in play in case I’m right and the news breaks. Last Saturday, February 25th, I posted this on the Portland Freelancer blog:
“Has Bush Cut Dick Cheney Loose?
Did the White House drop a dime on Dick Cheney? A couple of weeks ago - right around the time of the hunting accident - they mysteriously found a bunch of emails that had gone missing. The emails are not good news for Dick Cheney. One possible Karl Rove scenario: Cheney resigns, McCain comes in, and runs for President as V.P. The White House has already turned over Bush’s mailing list to McCain so they’re onboard. Why would Cheney agree? For a pardon on Bush’s way out. These emails were probably never lost. “Finding” them seems to indicate they’re going to cut Cheney loose, after the 2006 Elections are safely rigged and over.”

The significance of this post is that I began sending in jokes to Leno based on my theory, so when it broke in news outlets later, my joke was already in hand. And since I am also familiar with the old riff of why politicians retire, I wrote that Cheney “just wants to spend more time shooting lawyers.” That went on the Tonight Show last night, making 2 of mine on the hunting incident, helping to assuage the intense pain I felt from not having one on right after Dick Cheney screwed up. Just another day in joke-writing land.