Listen Up, GOP Base: You’re Britney Spears and President Bush is Kevin Federline
Everyone should be lucky enough to have siblings, especially if they’re from the opposite sex. Why? To give us a better perspective on the people we find attractive. As we come of age, the dynamics of attraction skew reasonable thought. Sometimes you need a sibling to point out stuff that should be obvious, but isn’t.
I remember as a young boy when my sister advised me to pick a wife – not just because she was pretty – but because I could be friends with her. That stopped me cold. I had literally never thought of it. This leads to one of my theories for the systemic disrespect between the sexes.
How many woman out there have watched men fall all over someone who they know is a loser? They know the hottie in question is all wrong for the star-struck, love-sick guy she ends up with, and he finds out down the road. Meanwhile, he’s wasted all that time while he could have been happier. This is not breaking news here – it’s been covered for ages in songs like, “Why Do Fools Fall in Love?”
The same thing is true for straight men watching women fall all over some guy. I knew Kevin Federline was a low-rent, card-carrying hound dog from 2 minutes after he showed up. Hearing him chat with Britney on their moronic reality show, I knew right away that he was a hustler – there wasn’t anything good in his heart. It takes discipline to watch women go ga-ga, over someone you know is a devious clown, and not lose respect for the gender. Just as women lose respect for men, when we do our crazy stuff, ruining families and lives just for a crack at some devastatingly fine, sweet young thing.
Throughout the last few years, I’ve searched for an analogy for what was going on between President Bush and his supporters. The only one that fit was the teenage girl-puppy love model. That is, until now. President Bush is Kevin Federline. He’s shallow, dumb, mediocre, devious, reckless, and morally lacking. His conservative GOP base – those loyal Republicans in the unmovable 30% - represent Britney Spears. They look upon this man whom the rest of us can see right through, and gush about how wonderful he is: “Look, he’s clearing brush. He’s wearing his cowboy jeans. He’s a godly man!”
If you are one of these conservative Republican Bush supporters, you should be going through what Britney Spears is right now. You should be seeking a divorce. Tuesday night was the night America went home with someone else. Use the hurt to come to your senses. We’re still in deep trouble as a country here, and we can no longer afford 30% of our citizens to be fawning, pop tarts. Take the advice of your political siblings. President Bush is a loser, and it’s time for you to grow up.