Sunday, March 11, 2007

Dick Cheney: "Say Something Nice" Contest Announced

It takes a special kind of blogger to be inspired by one of my own comments, especially since I was commenting on one of my own posts, but that's what we have here. I wanted to say something nice about President Bush as a contrast to most comments I read these days. I mean, why should FOX News get to be the only ones who are fair and balanced? Here's what I came up with:

"His outrageous power grab and criminal policy of preemptive strikes - formerly known as the Law of the Jungle - forced me to become a political activist. Before, I was busy just leading my life, not really concerned with having a blog or a cable access show to speak out. So he's gotten me more involved. I also was becoming very worried about the increasingly rapid pace of the years going by. President Bush has managed to turn the last 6 years into some of the longest of my entire life. In fact it's starting to feel like we're stuck in time. Thanks, President Bush!"

Flushed with magnanimous joy, I felt I had learned something about our better angels and that other good stuff. If this is truly going to be a Christian theocracy then we damn sure better start being more forgiving of each other. In this spirit I was moved to announce a contest to "Say Something Nice about Dick Cheney."

My pick would be that as soon as he had covered up the hunting incident where he shot his lawyer friend in the face - as soon as he made sure he was in no danger of being tested for booze - why then, he showed some genuine concern for old what's-his-name.

Secondly, when the Joe Wilson matter threatened to unmask the Iraq War for the deception it was, Cheney went ballistic. He knew his big pile of lies could not stand to be scrutinized and he was willing to sacrifice any of his friends to make sure the matter stopped right there. Dick would stop at nothing to lie America into an unnecessary war that's killed hundreds of thousands of people.

Think about that. How many times were we told as kids to stick with it and believe in yourself? Dick Cheney is a role model for our young people. He's really just a fat, cuddly Teddy Bear with a pacemaker of gold.

If you're having trouble thinking of something nice to say, feel free to include things that Dick Cheney got right - examples of his skill as a leader and planner. That should make it a little easier.

I'm only going to make one little rule: If you are a terrorist writing in to say how much the Bush administration has helped make terrorism bigger around the world, I'm not interested. Yes, it's true, but you're just not welcome here.

Doesn't this feel great? I'm already looking forward to the "Say Something Nice" contest about Karl Rove.


At 1:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cheney gave us Scott Libbey to indict and convict in the court of law. It feels good to put away a small fish, even though his pardon is probably a year and some away. Better then nothing, right?

At 2:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The nicest thing about Dick Cheney is that he's almost dead.

At 3:04 PM, Blogger Bill McDonald said...

Time for another little rule on the contest. Although that last comment doesn't sound threatening in any way, and is written in a comedic spirit full of realism and yet love, please avoid the death stuff. We'll call it the Bill Maher exemption.

At 5:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Considering he has a failing heart and a new clot in his leg that would be difficult.

But on the flipside he ISN'T dead, giving us hope that incredible medical advances can be used for our troops... oh wait.

At 5:20 PM, Blogger Bill McDonald said...

That was nice. A good use of the "Oh wait" technique, and you turned it to another subject in the last 3 words which is difficult to do. I like that. Drop what you're doing and go into the biz.

At 8:02 PM, Anonymous butch said...

How about, "He gives you lefty shrills someone to rant about on a constant basis no matter how irrational you feel like being at the time, and you can always find some other lefty shrill to support your rant thus making you feel like it was rational all along."

Oh...and he's almost dead.

Hey Bill, I have an idea for a contest - one that I think would be equally as challenging for you general reading audience: How about, "Say something nice about your Country"? Tough one - after all, our economy sucks, we've lost all our civil liberties, and the religious right is sending all non-believers to the gallows even as we speak. I know, lets settle with, "Three reasons the United States is better than Iran." I'll start: The Sopranos. That's one. Two more? Anybody? Anybody?

At 8:20 PM, Blogger Bill McDonald said...

Darn, the Sopranos was my first pick, too.
Okay: Football, jazz, blues, rock and roll, and March Madness.
Plus, a Constitution that forbids even people who think they have unlimited power from serving over 8 years.

At 9:02 PM, Anonymous Sully said...

March's almost here.

Butch thinks liberals hate this country. Man, talk about not knowing your opposition.

At 3:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

How about one way that Iraq without Saddam is better then a Iraq with Saddam.

At 7:19 PM, Blogger LaurelhurstDad said...

Think where we'd be if Cheney was out of the picture. Bush might try to make a decision! Oh, the horror!

At 8:05 PM, Anonymous butch said...

One way Iraq is better without Saddam: hmmm.....a wee bit less genocide using chemical gas weapons? Or do you think Iraq would have been better off without the Kurds?

At 6:23 AM, Anonymous Usual Kevin said...

The good thing about Dick Cheney is...

that when someone says that the Devil is only a figment of our imaginations I have living proof to the contrary.

Sorry Bill that's as nice as I can get when it comes to this guy.

At 6:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, under Saddam lots of innocent citizens died due to genocide, and now a lot more innocent citizens die because of collateral damage. Still dead but at least it's now accidental rather then intentional. The sweet smell of liberty.

At 7:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh and I forgot the best part now it's not just U.S. oil interests paying to support Saddam, the American Tax payer and American blood is now invested in trying to support a puppet regime that has replaced a Sunni Dictator. Yes it is morning in Iraq and the Global War on Terra to end all Terraism! Are you old enough Butch to remember the draft but too old to be impacted by it? Have any kids who might? Oh well at least it gives us something to watch on CNN.

At 7:56 AM, Blogger Bill McDonald said...

Don't forget the tons and tons of depleted uranium we've used over there. Chemical weapons have relatively short shelf lifes. The half-life of depleted uranium is something like 4.5 billion years.
We will go on killing and deforming Iraqi children long after any of us are on the planet.
Where's the rights of the unborn with depleted uranium?

At 9:06 AM, Blogger LaurelhurstDad said...

And don't forget the wounded and maimed soldiers who come home to hospitals run by a company that has Dan Quayle on its board (IAP Worldwide). They cut costs by cutting staff in half, and paying the new workers less, with fewer benefits. The money saved goes to Danny boy, and I'm sure Uncle Dick gets his cut, as the guy who actually runs IAP is Al Neffgen, a former senior Halliburton official.

I guess one good thing about Dick is he likes to keep his corruption close to home.

And the soldiers are left to rot.

At 9:00 PM, Anonymous butch said... Dick Cheney is recieving direct compensation from wounded soldiers not getting care (insert 'eyes rolling' emoticon here).

Why not just say he is purposefully cutting off funding so that wounded can't get their limbs reattached so that Cheney can throw those limbs on his satanic barbeque?

At 2:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't forget that we gave chemical weapons to Saddam during the iran-iraq war. Rumsfeld probably based his evidence on Iraq wmds on that fact. It is an atrocity that they were all used up after Desert Storm when the genocide happened against dissenters in the country. Dissenters we encouraged to revolt, but then George Bush (senior) left them for dead and bolted. They were slaughtered. I wonder what sort of title such an ironic play would have, if only it were fiction.


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