Friday Lights

1. President Bush held a press conference, and I tell you the White

House is getting good. You can’t even see the little guy who gives

Bush a cracker when he says something right.

2. If you missed the conference, I’ll sum it up for you: I can do

anything I want because it’s legal and everything I do is going

great.

3. President Bush says his eavesdropping program was designed

to protect civil liberties. Oh yeah? Who did they get to design it?

The guy who designed those levees down in New Orleans?

4. You can tell when President Bush’s press conferences are over.

Dick Cheney comes out and gives him a lollipop.

5. President Bush also said prosecutors were welcome to look at

his White House for signs of corruption. Oh sure. They fought

the 9/11 investigation. They fought the Katrina investigation,

but these prosecutors? Come on in.

6. President Bush has declared a war on pornography, so that

means we’re all soldiers just doing reconnaissance work.

7. Of course President Bush doesn’t quite have his facts straight.

He says we have to go to war on pornography because our

lap tops are being threatened by lap dances.

8. Things have really changed in Hollywood. Today a major

movie star held a press conference to deny he was straight.

9. Michael Jackson has been seen in Bahrein wearing the

traditional black robe that Arab women wear. So to his long

list of credits, we can now add Mid-East crossdresser.

10. In fact, the latest demand by the Insurgents is that the US

can stay in the Mid-East as long as we take Michael Jackson back.