BARTENDER, PUT MY STOCKBROKER ON THE PHONE
The Dow dropped 213.32 and oil settled at 68 dollars a barrel on concerns that the President might try and play cowboy again. Analysts say Iran is 5 years from a nuclear weapon and nuclear weapons are unacceptable unless Jesus wants us to have them. The shortterm outlook is that oil companies will continue reaping unbelievable profits, while Cheney tries to keep a straight face, and discusses how grave everything is.
In other news: Iran threatens to play the oil card if the West continues to hassle it. Meanwhile President Bush is currently planning what route to ride his bicycle today.
Next up: Osama continues to taunt us and threatens to release an album of standards. Even he can’t believe he’s still alive, if he really is, especially closing in on 5 years since 9/11.
The President smiles, happy that his bicycle looks shiny. He wonders if he should tear up the Constitution and stick it in the spokes to make that cool motorcycle sound.