THE INEVITABLE

* Before I start, let me warn you, Pat Robertson has said you will be

punished by God if you don’t laugh at these jokes.

* It looks like Tom Delay will not run for a leadership position in

Congress. He just wants to spend more time with his lawyers.

* Republicans in Congress are torn about the Judge Alito hearings.

They want to continue to keep their bribe story out of the news. On

the other hand, they want the hearings over so they can get back

to taking bribes.

* President Bush says criticism of the Iraq War “comforts our

adversaries.” Actually, he said, “adversarians”, but you get the idea.

* In fact President Bush has a plan if he hears you talking bad

about him: He’s going to make a funny noise on your phone.