Friday Lights

1. They’re going to try something new at the Oscars this year. If a

speech goes long Dick Cheney will fire off a shotgun round in the air.

2. President Bush’s numbers have hit 34% which is quite a coincidence.

34% is also about how much is left of the Constitution.

3. There is some serious criticism of President Bush these days, even

from Republicans. They say if he screws up 2 or 3 hundred more

things, he could be in real trouble.

4. Anna Nicole Smith has presented her case to the Supreme Court.

I believe it’s about the right to bear silicone.

5. George Michael was slumped over the steering wheel of his car

in a drug induced stupor. You never hear this sort of thing about

him. Bent over, yes, but never slumped over.

6. President Clinton is looking for 25 interns for his library and

you can tell by the job description: Candidates must be able to

spend long hours under a desk.

7. President Bush admitted that Osama bin Ladin helped him

get reelected by releasing a tape right before the election. Wow,

you thought Americans were mad at Osama before.