How to Handle a Conspiracy Nut

Do any of you have that radical friend or acquaintance who’s always trying to play conspiracy gotcha? I’m not talking about the intermediate types who have the fringe yuppie approach – a few pet ideas outside the norm to reassure us that they haven’t traded in all that is good and holy for an Outback Subaru and a slow ride down the Disinformation Superhighway. No, I’m talking about a bona fide, “if I didn’t know you so well, I’d think you were crazy”-type. The ones who think natural disasters like Katrina were designed by our government.
Of course, you still listen to them, in case they turn out to be right, but here’s the drill: You get quizzed on a steady stream of underground references. Now, naturally, a cutting edge person like myself will know some of the names. Okay, I don’t any of the names. I’m not sure I need to know any of the names, but more importantly, I’m not sure I WANT to know any of the names. This is followed by a stern rebuke, like you are the worst, most-uninformed ingrate on the planet. You are single-handedly letting down struggling people everywhere. You have betrayed your country or what’s left of it, and you have even hurt little fluffy animals. This is what the conversation sounds like:
“Do you know who Milos Schwankerstan is?” (In case it’s not obvious, I’m making up the names.) “Uh, no, I’ve never heard of him.” “You’ve never heard of him?” “No. What does he do?” “He’s the leading underground expert on Operation Lightning Shorts. You’re sure you never heard of him?” “Yup, I’m sure.” “My God, you’ve really got to get a clue.”
This can go on for ten minutes at a time. The only way out of it is to fight back. Think of any name. The weirder the better then ask your conspiracy friend, “Ever here of Virgil Victriokof?”
There will be a look of gullible consternation. Why are these conspiracy nuts always so gullible? “No.” Then look at them with real pity and say, “God, that’s pathetic. You know what? One of these days, you really should find out what’s going on.”