Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Aerial Tram Awards: Humiliating Flop

Hitching Home with the Tram Awards Trophy

This is why I don’t give parties, people. I’d rather go to prison with Martha Stewart than to go through the social scene again. To the people of Portland who didn’t choose to participate in this extravaganza, I hope they build a tram over your house. No, wait. I hope they build a tram through the living room of your house. May you and your wretched city rot in hell for eternity or forever – whichever takes longer.
Actually, the Tram Awards started slow but ended up being a lot of fun. Walking around this morning, I’ve been grinning. I feel the post-gig euphoria. I did cancel my standup routine about the city council so I’ll run part of it later. To the band and the blogging legends who did show up: I thank you. I bought a beer for Steve Schopp. I hobnobbed with Frank Dufay and his family. I chatted with Tenskwatawa. Haven’t you ever wondered what he’s like? And for some reason I’ve been most intrigued by the guy who comments under the name Garage Wine. Something about that name always puzzled me. Just when all seemed lost, a young man approached carrying his adorable little girl, and introduced himself as Garage Wine. He seemed completely normal and pleasant, so I asked, “Why? What’s the story behind the name Garage Wine?” He said he got it off one of those random name search things because he wanted to be anonymous. Hey, buddy, after last night I know the feeling.
I was also moved that Phil Stanford and Roger Anthony showed up. They're my buddies from the Tribune years.
I videotaped the first set of the band. I forgot to turn the camera on for the second set – of course! Anyway, the drummer, who several of us had just met 48 hours before, added a great dimension. His name is Jay Harris, he’s got a Ph.D. in education so just by joining he doubled the band’s IQ. Anyway, after a gig I usually feel cool and this morning is no exception. Sorry, about the rant. It wasn’t that bad, but I’m completely aware of how much people enjoy the misery of others. Go ahead and enjoy. It was an ass-kicking, but that’s why I have a sense of humor. Hey, look. In all honesty, if I had been presented with the same set of circumstances I probably wouldn’t have gone either. Anyway, late last night, I played the video and right during one of the songs I rose out of my social stupor and played a slide guitar solo that made me proud. This was not a defeat. I’m in a decent band. That doesn’t happen everyday. I have a nice wife and some good buddies. I am not a loser. I am not a loser. Am I? No! I am not a loser. Why, Portland? Why? Was it the hype job? Too much? Uh oh, the feelings are coming back again. May you and your pompous little Portland attitude, take the aerial tram and shove it right up your.... Wait. Give me a second…I’m okay. I’m okay.

17 Comments:

At 8:53 AM, Blogger Torrid said...

You're surely not a loser, and it sounds like you and some of Portland's most accomplished gadflies had fun. Maybe, just MAYBE--Portlanders aren't as worked up about the tram as some of you guys think? (Other than if you live in Lair Hill, of course).

 
At 9:19 AM, Anonymous Mark Mason said...

Don't be so hard on yourself, Bill. Sometimes these things take on a lfie of their own. Do it again in and year and hand out TRAMMIES to city or county officials who screwed up in 2006. (The list is already ripe with candidates.) Just the word TRAMMIE AWARD speaks volumes. In 5 or 6 years it could be the most attended/covered awards ceremonies in the NW.
You need some MC's?

Burning Man started with 20 people. Look at it now!

 
At 10:29 AM, Blogger Garage Wine said...

The littlest wino and I had fun. We both enjoyed the music, although she preferred the peppier numbers. We would have stayed longer, but--like every outing with the littlest wino--we had to leave when she decided to play the game of Bolt for the Door.

Don't give up on the awards show. As the tram-loving Swiss say, every avalanche starts with a snowflake.

 
At 10:46 AM, Blogger Bill McDonald said...

I can't believe the excuses, People are saying they couldn't be there because they were in a meeting with Diane Linn.

 
At 10:59 AM, Blogger Ruben Bailey said...

My excuse.... 4-year relationship was in severe limbo. Working out personal, life issues took presedence over the party.

But I was there in spirit and sounds like I missed a good time.

Keep on truckin' my friend

 
At 11:12 AM, Anonymous laurelann said...

Bill,

Sorry I missed your performance...I'm a sucker for a musician and a man that can make me laugh! Keep me in mind for the next soiree.

 
At 11:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm not following. Why was is a flop? Not enough people?

 
At 12:45 PM, Blogger Bill McDonald said...

Bingo.

 
At 1:49 PM, Blogger Jack Bog said...

Sorry I missed it, but my day job is at night.

 
At 4:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

nag's view

 
At 5:13 PM, Blogger Betsy said...

After yesterday's billing as a 'loud voiced' type, I figured I needed to exercise my shy and retiring muscles instead.

Plus, there's that pesky little detail about small children, school nights, and the tiresome requests for actual *food* for dinner.

Next time, I promise...

 
At 7:12 PM, Anonymous Anne Dufay said...

We had fun. I'm sorry we had to leave early, I was enjoying the music.

Week nights are hard to bring out a crowd -- the kids have homework, night meetings 'r us -- so many things compete for many folk's time.

But I think your biggest hurdle was in trying to get the wee shy creatures of the blogsphere out into the the public light of day. No laptops, no WiFi, no p'j's or comfy pillow to lean on. Anonymous no longer -- liable to be spotted and ID'ed at any time by god knows who...

Maybe next time do it with a costume theme? :-)

It was nice meeting you, Bill. Your band is just fine.

 
At 7:20 PM, Blogger Frank Dufay said...

Actually, the music was GREAT.

Carl's pizza was awesome as usual. And Steve Schopp sat at MY family's table...me who he once called the uncaring, lacky-running dog-Katz cabal-loving...I dunno, I forget all of it, but some of it was, uh, unkind? But we're buds now!

Really...more people is always cool, but it was cool you made the effort, and you DID draw a crowd and gave Carl some extra business...all the better to help him pay his System Development Charges.

Thanks Bill.

 
At 9:53 PM, Blogger Bill McDonald said...

Thanks for all the comments. I rarely if ever venture into the event planner area, so I wouldn't be looking for a magazine called Bill McDonald Living anytime soon.

 
At 10:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

next year..bigger and better...trammie-trammie-trammie..you in the rear,sing it with me

 
At 12:54 AM, Anonymous ellie said...

I'm sorry you thought it was a flop but it sounds like people had fun. I would've loved to have met some of these folks, listened to some tunes, had some pizza (and possibly an adult beverage as well), and enjoyed the company... but I had class. Next time!

 
At 5:31 PM, Anonymous gorok said...

Tuesday night had everything to do with my not being there. Previous commitments and the like - ya know?

Wish I could have been there.

 

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