Part 1: Getting Around in Portland

The City of Portland has always had strong transportation planning, going back to the time the first settlers came up with the Tri-Met Bus Mall:

Lately, our city council has given us a brilliant system of streetcars - a cutting-edge idea that other cities won't get to for many decades. Perhaps this picture will give you some idea of how successful the streetcars have been:

Now we face our biggest challenge. We are told over and over again that the city will grow by this many people in the next few weeks:

Why prepare for the influx of new residents, or focus on the Big Earthquake that will probably hit within our lifetimes? These projects are not sexy! That's why our city council looked bravely ahead, and decided to build an aerial tram. There was one problem: If the citizens knew what they were getting into and what the real reasons for it were, they never would have gone along. Sound familiar? Oh well, our leaders in Washington had much to teach the city council, and they learned their lessons well.

Welcome to Operation Aerial Tram, to bring research jobs to our city, and to be a vital linchpin in our lives. It was all B.S. in the grand tradition of a recently retired American leader, Donald Rumsfeld: