Comedy Writing: Okay, It's Time - Part 1

We’re 4 or 5 weeks into the blog, and I think it’s time for me to discuss a topic I actually know something about. I can’t hold out forever. It’s the subject of joke writing.
Most comedians I know act like their original jokes were delivered to them with a beam of light from heaven. I once had a joke about the governor of Arizona going to jail. How bad would it be if you were waiting for a reprieve from the governor and he was in the next cell? When that joke aired it was early in my “career”, and I thought it was mine. I might have pressed my contact down in L.A. a little about it, because she said, “I think we received 12 versions of that joke.” Conclusion: Never assume someone else didn’t think of it. I’ve had comedians say preposterous things like, “Someone must have heard me say it in that restaurant in Astoria yesterday and called David Letterman just as he was about to tape his show. I’ve been ripped off here.”
That being said I once wrote a joke, “There’s a new Marriott in Beirut. Their slogan is ‘Stay with us and your hostages stay for free.'” It went on, I called about it, and they said it was someone else’s. So I just let it go. A while later they called back and said they had made a mistake - it was mine, but even with a joke that specific, I didn’t assume. Besides, if you're a comedy writer, the jokes flow like water from a faucet so there is no need to get bent out of shape over one.
If you are a comedy writer, the stuff is basically continuous. If I am comfortable with someone, the things I say in serious conversation often come out funny on their own. I don’t have to translate my thoughts into jokes. My thoughts are jokes. The other day, I was talking about getting older and I said, “You know how people die and it’s a huge shock? I’m getting to the point where if I suddenly died, my friends would say, “You know, we kind of saw it coming.”
I write around 50 regular jokes a day. It used to be exactly 62: 55 for the radio and 7 for Leno. Often the 7 jokes for Leno take around 20 minutes, and occur as fast as I can type. This is a quirk. I couldn't do it unless it was quick and easy. I’ll give you another example just to show it’s not all about me.
My nephew Brian had to go to the ballet with his family this week. It was one of those things parents do to expose kids to the arts or whatever. Afterwards they asked him how he liked it and he said, “It would have been much better without the dancing.” See, he was being genuine but it came out funny. We might have another comedy writer here.