Cheney Shoots Man, Declares Himself A Combat Veteran; President To Award Special Medal

Dick Cheney wasn’t content to shoot helpless birds on a ranch in Texas this weekend. No, that’s for wimps. Instead, he opened fire on one of his fellow hunters, sending the man to the hospital.
Let’s save the White House spin machine some time here: The man, a longtime friend of the Vice President, will be declared a member of a terrorist cell. The Vice President will be credited with stopping a plot to shoot the tallest pheasant in Texas. Sometime this week in a special Rose Garden ceremony he will be awarded the Bronze Star for valor in a military combat operation. He will also begin lecturing everyone about how they don’t know what it’s like to shoot a man in combat and he does. It's all so clear now. We don't have us a chicken hawk. We've got us a pheasant hawk. He didn't avoid combat, he was just picking the right time. Yes, folks, what we've got here is an honest to God American hero.