The Chronicles of Portlandia: A Mighty Joust

A pall has settled over the northwesterly land they named Pacifica, for a mighty battle has taken place and the home side was vanquished. Ahh, what an epic struggle it was though, with one Knight venturing all the way from England to perform.
But what’s this? Amongst the locals in Portlandia there is also an outbreak of joy. How could this be? Would they not put their home region first and feel the lost of the Hawks from the north?
No, for many an old score has yet to be settled with the Emperor Allen – also known as Paul the Geekly. For it is he who owns the tribe from the north. And alas, he also owns the Blazers of Trail and though the new roster doth possess many a good, noble lad, they are untested in battle, and several years away from winning the hearts of Portlandia back. Indeed many blame the evil meddlings of Paul the Geekly and his knave, Bob the Unwise, for the fate that has befallen us.
There is nothing like a herioc deed and good character to win the hearts of the people of Portlandia. Character is worth more than gold, and Paul the Geekly had a lot of gold. Indeed at one point, he could have given everyone who attended one of his sold-out Rose Castle games, a cool million in coin each, and still have had gold to get home. Yet it was not enough. Instead he bailed out on some debts he owed, and many in the Rose City were not amused. How had this shown good character? Many a peasant was badly wounded while the emperor did not feel a pin prick.
So the epic battle was fought and Paul the Geekly waited on the sidelines for his chance to declare, “I am not geekly! I am manly for my team has won!”
When this did not happen many were quite sad for the noble team. But much joy was felt by others in Portlandia, for though the tribe of the Seahawk had lost, it also meant that Paul the Geekly did not win.