Portland to Paul Allen: Get Out, It's Over!

According to Prevention Magazine, we’re the Best Walking City in America so it’s time to tell Paul Allen to take a walk. This marriage is over. He spends all his time with his cheap whore Seattle, anyway. That slut. Meanwhile she’s seeing a couple of other sports teams on the side, with her wretched big city attitude. And all this time we were faithful. Sure, we have that flirting thing going on with the Winter Hawks, but it’s never been serious. And now you’re whining about the marriage after the way you’ve acted? Throwing money around on guitars and yachts. Could you imagine what would happen if you came crawling back here now? Say what? You want cash from us? Oh, please. And it’s always Seattle this and Seattle that. Well, go try and live with that raunchy tramp and see if we care. Just try and make it work. All those nights we comforted you after your little computer bubble burst. Try getting that kind of support from that bitch, Seattle. Maybe you can do a threeway with Bill Gates, you sleazy bastard. Get out! This marriage is over! And Paul, one last thing: We never really loved you.